Not sure what to tell you today.

I am p… off, I really am. Unfortnately I cant tell you yet. I probably will not be able to tell you everything that is currently going on, for a little while. But do not despair. I am going to make a decision this week. Once it has been made, I promise you I will give you little hints to keep you sweet.

Me x

I have just eperienced the single most dissapointing moment of my life (so far)

Enough said, just felt like saying it out loud. Thanks for listening.

Me x

Its snowing, actually snowing like mad!

Outside everything is covered in iceing sugar. It looks like it anyway. The cars are completely white, and the dirt that seems to always stick to everything is now purefied through the thick, white flakes that are falling out of the sky.

The snowboarding weekend is closer then ever and I am so excited about going, I cant even tell you. The Engländer keeps going on about how much he would like to leave this instant, and I have to calm him and remind him that it will be here soon enough. Today will hopefully be fairly quiet so I can get some stuff sorted. Promised BFF a DVD night with chocolate. Will have to see if the weather is good enough to go out in the car though.

Right, that is it for now.

Me x

Weekend full of work, work and lycans

First weekend working at the bar fully. I am proudly announcing that I have made more in tips then ever before. This could be good, you know. I am having to pay out a few things but considering I have not had much money to spend, I am now a rich woman. Not really.

Friday had a little surprise in store for me. I got home at 5PM. Really late, considering it was a Friday. My mother had sent me a message, saying “I miss you.” No appologies, nothing. How does she expect me to forget everything she said. I did not reply. Call me a horrible person, I dont care. You dont know the names she called me.

Anyway. Spent yesterday afternoon watching Rise of the Lycans, Spanglish and Vicky, Christina, Barcelona (In English this time!) with the Engländer. Lovely.

I have had a lot of time to rant and to think about things going on in my life. Not that I have come any closer to a solution, but I have finally found  a way that could possibly do.

I am reading this book at the moment “The Five Secrets You Must Discover Before You Die”, Dr. John Izzo. I havent gotten that far, but in the first few pages, it tells you about an elderly lady that used to make decision on the basis of what her older self, looking back on her life would say. Fantastic way to get big decisions out the way! I had a think about this in bed last night and thought of the following.

If I am this 80 year old lady, how would I like to look back on my life, how do I see myself as a person and will I have respect of the person I am with 27. I mean its one thing to laugh about that 27 year old countrygirl, but I would hate to plainly not respect the person I was then.

First, how do I see myself:

I see myself as a little bit weak. I never make decisions on my own, so supconciously I can then, if it does not work out, blame it on other people. (See move to Hintertupfing! ) The Engländer is usually that person, I am so very sorry for that!! Then, I see myself as a very drama loving person. I simply love that fact that most things in my life are not going very well. I have a reason to wallow in self pitty until the cows come home. I also see myself as a decent human being though. I love my neighbor (well, maybe not literally.) I respect my elders (most of them – age does not give you superiority on anything sometimes!) and I am always working for my money. I fall out with my mother on a regular basis and I only just recently started making my own decisions again, not based on her limited opinion.

Now, how I would like to see myself:

This is not as easy. I hardly know what I want in the best of times. However, I am trying to write a few things, at least. I would like to be a person that laughs properly at least twice a week. One that you come to if you need cheering up. A person that can cook and give you that warm feeling of home in your heart, wherever you may be just then. I also want to be able to look back onto my life an be able to say that I have experienced many, many emotions. I want to look back and say to myself that it was all half as bad as I though it was at the time.

I want to be sitting on that porch somewhere warm, the Engländer next to me. I want this man on my side for all of my life. I love him so much and he makes me so happy.

Now, all I need to know if what my next move will be. I am itching again. Oh dear! Most of you will know what that means. The Gypsy Princess, thats what they call me.

Love,

Me x

P.S.: Happy Birthday to my nan and my BFF. Love you tons.

No words needed, I think…

How long until holiday?

@Alison, I rediscovered this poster on your blog, and it is so fitting at the moment.

So here you go, my friends, I am still just about swimming.

Love,

Me x

Jukebox hero and the barmaid/writer/PA

Dear friends,

I am now officially a barmaid at the Engländers bar. I am going to be working 6 days a week, part time office, part time barmaid, writer at night.

My brain is going to be mash by the time I get to go to the UK in April.

Not much going on at the moment that would be of any interesst to you guys I guess. As I said, I am working on some party ideas for the bar, looking for DJs and dekoration for the Carneval.

List of my party ideas so far:

1. Carneval in Rio Party (obviously not in Rio but in Hintertupfing. )

2. Bollywood party

3. UK weekend (Northern soul on the Friday, Garage on Saturday)

4. Bad taste party – but everyone is doing those lately, so not entierly sure.

What do you guys think? Any suggestions?

Love,

Me x

P.S.: Big kiss to the girls at my previous work place. I miss you, P & M!! x

Favourite Songs Ever Vol. I

1. Cornflake Girl – Tori Amos

2. Feel – Robbie Williams

3. Black Dog – Led Zeppelin

4. Never forget you – Noisettes

5. Wonderwall – Oasis

6. Black Coffee – All Saints

7. 7 days in sunny June – Jamiroquai

8. Summer – Vivaldi / Four Seasons

9. Fairytale – Tori Amos

10. Everlong – Foo Fighters

11. The snake – Al Wilson

12. Go with the flow – Queens of the Stone Age

13. Beggin’ – Frankie Vallie and the four seasons

Me x

Vicky Christina Barcelona

What a good film!! I finished watching it and just sat there, totally inspired! Go watch it, its worth it! Its probably one of the most beautifully made, most intelligently written and passionate films I have ever seen. Amazing film, really.

I am in a better mood today. Sorry about yesterday. It was pretty sh…, believe me.

Again, I appologize for being moody.

Me x

How am I going to get through this?

I am in a bad mood, everyone is irritating me and I am so stressed. Remember what I said last week about being happy? Scratch that for this week. I am very annoyed with a lot of things and want my peace and quiet from irritating people.

Just out of interesst – When you are having a bad day/week/month, how do you make yourself feel better again? Would be interessting to find out, bloggersphere.

Ok, that was the rant of the day. Got to get into work now.

Me x

Playlist January 2010

1. Hold you  – Ray LaMontagne

2. Almost Lover – A fine Frenzy

3. It the waiting line – Zero 7

4. North – Paul Mounsey

4. Good people – Jack Johnson.

5. Sommersault – Zero 7 (They must have met the Engländer before they wrote that! )

Me x